Hey everybody

It occurred to me that if you are checking in on this blog from time to time you might have realized that I haven't updated it in a while. I have moved to a more permanent blog, one that will keep me more committed to writing regularly.

You can find us at woolseylife.com

Go ahead and update your RSS or your bookmarks accordingly. Thanks for checking up on us!

The Race is Won

This is a bittersweet letter to let you know that Dad died last night in his sleep. We got him comfortable yesterday & he was peaceful all afternoon. When Mom & I were getting ready to go to bed around 10pm, he started getting more restless & started moaning again. I could hear the rattling start again in his chest & I gave him the medicine which had worked before, but it seemed to get worse. He was moaning loudly, almost calling out but not consciously and his breathing was more irregular. Before he would stop breathing for 15 seconds at a time, but now we could count 45 seconds of silence at a time. He still had fevers all day. Mom pulled up her recliner chair next to him and Mike, Tony, & I sat around watching & talking for awhile. We gathered together & prayed over him again and went to bed around 1130. Tony slept on the ground & Mike on a couch nearby. Mom remembers waking up & touching his arm at 1230 and then Tony woke up at 4:30 & listened for dad's irregular breathing. He was the one who woke us up to let us know Dad was gone. He looked so peaceful, more like Dad then he has in a long time. There were some tears, but mostly joy & relief that Dad is finally with Jesus just like we prayed for.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God, trust also in me.
In my Father's house are many rooms;
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I am going there to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come back and take you to be with me
that you also may be where I am." --Jesus
John 14:1-3

We are still discussing plans for the funeral & will keep you posted.
Lots of love,
christy

Bill's Update

Good evening everyone,

Thursday was nice & calm, but in the night things changed. About 11pm, Dad developed a rattling in his chest & his lungs had filled with fluid. With each breath he was gurgling & I started giving him a new medicine to dry out his lungs & all his secretions. He was restless in the night & would moan frequently. It sounded like he was in pain so I gave him all the pain & relaxing medications I had as frequently as I could, but it didn't seem to help much. The one good thing was that his forehead was smooth without wrinkle. The hospice nurse doubled what I could give him and the next day they started a few new meds. They did say that his moaning & rattling is normal at this stage and that it does not indicate pain if there are no other cues. It's just another sign of his imminent condition. We have him on a new schedule of medications that he gets every 2 hours. Finally around 12 on Friday afternoon, he calmed down significantly. He still has fevers all day. Mom & I have been sleeping together downstairs & will again tonight.

Today both a Deacon & a priest came & Dad received the Last Rites again. Tante Betty came for morning coffee, John came for lunch, Mike mowed the lawn, and Marisca & Frank came for dinner. It's a funny thing, right now at 9pm, Mike, Tony, John & Mom are all sitting in the living room holding their cell phones teaching mom how to use her new cell phone. Tomorrow if pop is ok the girls are going to go down the street to take Marisca out for breakfast for her birthday.

Ours is not a happy circumstance, but it has brought us all together. We all say we love you more often & there are more hugs shared then ever before. There are tears as we try to deal with letting Dad go & also laughter as we remember the good times. There were so many. Please continue to pray, the end of the race is near.

Much love,
christy

P.S. This picture was from Easter in front of Dad's famous rose garden.

This Morning

Good morning everybody,

Dad shocked us again proving I can't predict a thing he's going to do. Last night at 2 am he woke up & did the whole "I have to go pee!"-thing. I woke up when he was starting to lift himself up in bed. He wanted to sit on the side of the bed so we helped him. He could just support his weight & barely keep himself sitting up his arms were so shaky. He was pretty agitated again & felt like he needed to pee so bad. We gave a dose of Morphine & he settled right down. Then we put him back to bed & gave him some more Ativan. He slept the rest of the night. This morning he's still sleeping. He wouldn't swallow his morning meds, he wouldn't open his mouth for us at all. So we'll wait on those. His heart rate is a little fast at 110 & his temp is 100.8. He feels a little clammy so we took the blanket off & opened up his shirt a bit (the macho man look). Mom had put the blue recliner right next to the bed & slept there all night while I slept in the twin bed downstairs.

We shall see what today brings. Mom is ok, she just got him to take all his meds. We're having breakfast in the living room, want to come?

and.... H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y F R A N K !!!!!!!!!!

lots of love,
christy

A Bump in the Road

Well family & friends,

It was a difficult day at the Vergeer house. Monday was a pretty normal day for Dad, he got up a few times, sat in the chair a bit & took a bunch of naps. In the evening, he was very emotional & only mom could comfort him. The night started out fine, Dad got up twice & the second time he was very emotional again & asking for mom around 5AM. She came down & stayed with him until it was time to get up. Tuesday morning Lori came by with her son Jack to visit Opa & do some gardening. Dad wanted to see what she was doing so he got up & took a short walk out into the garden which he hadn't done in a while. In the afternoon, Theo & Jopie called, and while on the phone Dad suddenly needed to vomit. But it was more & worse than normal (not regular vomit) & it really scared mom. I had gone home in the morning, but I drove straight back when she called & we had the hospice nurse come out STAT. Ed & Kristina were over in less than 10 minutes. Turns out it wasn't life threatening but a side effect of the TPN (feeding in his IV) that will become more frequent if we leave him on the feeding. We kept Dad on the feeding as long as it wasn't hurting him, but his body is starting to reject it as seen by the increasing hardness in his abdomen, the swelling in his legs & now the vomitting. The medications were helping to keep Dad comfortable despite these symptoms up till now, but they are becoming less effective. So it was a hard decision, but the nurse said it was best to stop the TPN and keep Dad comfortable. We just want him comfortable.

The nurse also offered to put a urinary catheter in so Dad would not feel like he has to run to the bathroom & because he's developed some pain during urination. We have urinals & a bedside commode, but he clings to privacy until the very end, he always wants to walk to the bathroom, even in the middle of the night. So for comfort & safety, they put one in. But it has not helped the comfort aspect. Dad hates it so far. We're supposed to give it some time to see if it's pain that will go away in a couple hours. I can't tell if he's confused on how it works or if it's not right for him & needs to come out. It does cause him a lot of pain & we had to give extra medicine. We'll give it a little more time.

Mom is wiped out today, that episode really scared her. She went to bed before 8pm. I will sleep with pop again tonight, but I'm fearing that he's asking more & more for mom lately & that soon he will want only her to help him. That will be such a strain on mom, but she would never turn him down. Only God knows what's ahead... God please help my parents. -- Christy

From Christy's View

Hello everyone,

Saturday night went alright for dad, he got up about 3 times but his pain was good. His body jerks alot from the Fentanyl patches and lately his hands have been moving like he's reaching for something or pointing at something. He makes noises & facial expressions like he's having a bad dream. So he slept, but I call it a fitful rest. Sunday morning, he woke up & said he was so tired and that he just wanted to sleep. Mom was planning to go to Mass, but dad got very emotional (he was so tired) and mom decided to stay home. Mike left to Santa Barbara to teach Mon-Thurs, then he'll come back down. And Dad had an emotional good-bye with his youngest son. Dad asked for quiet in the house & please no visitors today - which is very unusual for him. I thought I would try some Ativan which is a sedative & treats anxiety so dad could get some really relaxing sleep. It worked really well... too well & he slept from 10am to 8pm. I mean slept. He would wake up a little when we made him but was only alert for less than a minute. We had him sit on the side of the bed every once in awhile, but he could barely hold himself there & we would have him turn in bed periodically because sometimes his back hurts him. He was definitely less fidgety, but I will use 1/2 dose next time.

Even though dad said no visitors a couple people dropped in, but honestly he didn't even hardly know. We sit in the living room whispering, and it's nice for mom to have some distraction on these long days. Tante Betty & Uncle Bert came for coffee after Mass, then Marisca & Richard brought mom a cell phone they got for her. Richard had programmed all her most-used phone numbers and gave her a very basic lesson. I had to take a picture. Richard Scalco visited & Tante Gitta Van der Byl also stopped by. In the afternoon, mom went to 5:30 Mass and then came home & had dinner with John & me.

Mom slept with him Sunday night and was amazed at how totally the drug seemed to wear off once it did. He got up several times through the night & was alert & steady on his feet. Monday morning he sat in a chair for 20 minutes & then went back to bed. I was disappointed that he didn't feel extra rested from his Sunday hibernation. His feet are usually cold so we heat up his favorite pittzak when he asks. Mom just put him back to bed & now she's going for her morning walk for about 30minutes.

Tony comes back from Idaho today. Mom likes having someone beside herself to cook for but she has to be careful in her choices because sometimes the smells from the kitchen can make dad nauseous. Dad still has the IV feeding on every other day & can only tolerate sips of water or gatorade.

We're just taking it day by day now. Honestly, I didn't think he'd still be here with us, but his heart is strong & his will is stronger. We are in awe & give God thanks everyday for his pain being under control. Our prayer focus has been that he have a blessed, peaceful transition hopefully from sleep to His Father. Mom was wondering what it will be like for him when gets there in God's presence & gets to see his brother, mother, father & other loved ones. Bittersweet at best for us, but glorious for him.

Please continue in your prayers, I know they are making a difference. Also pray for restful sleep & that his dreams may be sweet - of people he loves & things of heaven. We appreciate all your support, thanks for holding us up in this hard time.
Lots of love,
Christy Woolsey

Sitting Around

As I write this I am laying on the couch in my in-laws living room (shhh...don't tell my mother-in-law). Its Sunday afternoon and Christy spent the night here last night. I came down after realizing that she wasn't going to get home today at all. She has taken to spending every night here now ever since Dad's episode on Thursday morning. I can safely say that particular morning scared everyone sufficiently and her mom has indirectly asked her to stay more regularly. Its also hard because Mike has gone home and Tony is home for the weekend and will be coming back Monday afternoon. I think once Tony is back in the house Mom will feel a little less in deep water.

So right now things are progressing as you might expect. He is declining which is exactly what is supposed to be happening. The last few days he has been hallucinating a little bit. Now I haven't seen any of this myself and I am told that it isn't as bad as it sounds. He sees weird little things when he wakes up from sleeping, which is a lot these days. He asked Mom the other day if the guy on the tractor in the back yard was real or not...I couldn't help but laugh a little. He has enough sense to ask when something is there or not so it can't be that bad.

One really good thing to report is that his pain is very well under control these days. This morning he woke up after a reasonable night of sleep. Upon waking up however this morning he complained that everyone was being way too loud and he is so tired that he can't stand it. So, Christy gave him a little blue pill [I don't really know what it was] and he has been crashed out all day. He has had a few visitors today but none of them really visited with him, he pretty much doesn't wake up. Christy felt a little bad because he was so out on that medication and it was her decision to give it to him. But, the fact is he wanted to get some serious sleep and not be disturbed and that is exactly what he is getting. Christy says that it won't do any harm to his body and that he will come out of it again, although she is keeping a closer eye on his breathing, just to be sure.

So all in all, its not a bad day but as I said he is declining. Those of you that are praying, continue to pray for a good death and for Mom after it is over. Still rough roads ahead. -- John

Scary Morning

Christy has taken to spending every other night with her parents. She sleeps in the family room in the twin bed near Dad's hospital bed. Her mom has been getting little to no sleep lately and is appreciative of the break that she is getting. This morning Christy called me around 7:30am to tell me that he was in really bad shape. She said that she woke up around 6 and he had a high fever and tremors. He wasn't really talking but would somewhat respond to people talking to him. All he got out was that he wanted his wife to come down.

This lasted for about an hour or two and they finally managed to get some Tylenol in him to control the fever. After the fever went down he started to come back around and wasn't as scary. Christy and everyone else was thinking that this was it but now that he has recovered from the fever he is much better and Christy said she doesn't have any idea what his course looks like. The famous quote from Bill Vergeer this morning is, "I didn't think dying would be like this..."

I have to go down and get her this afternoon and will surely have an update to this post. Check back soon to see how today pans out. -- John

Another Update

Hey everyone, I know I have been slacking on the updates. I have been gone for most of last week and just not getting around to it during the days surrounding that week. So, here is the latest.

Dad continues to decline in his condition. Yesterday he was telling people that he thought he was going to die today. That being said, Christy spent the night down there last night and Mike is working on coming down. But last night was a pretty good night and they have him on a new medication that is targeting some specific problems and it has helped to control his pain to a point where his morphine dosages are down. That is good because with all the morphine he was barely awake ever. Christy has told me that today is a better day and he has been out in the garden for the last hour. This is a big difference from last week when he couldn't stay awake for more than 15 minutes.

So thats the update, not much to say other than he is getting closer.

I'll work to stay up to date here for those of you checking -- John

Bill Vergeer Update

Hey everyone, I know I haven't been updating lately. Sorry. I have been a little busy and its hard to remember to update when I don't see major changes. So here it is:

He is still doing about the same. His home health nurse is recommending that they have a consultation with Hospice because she heard fluid on his lungs about a week ago. At this point they are planning on finishing the first round of Chemo and they will play it by ear from there. The Chemo isn't tearing him up too bad, in fact I don't think I can tell he is on Chemo. So as long as its not hurting him I think they will continue to try.

Thats it for now. I will do better to keep you posted. -- John

News for Wednesday

Dad has his appointment with the cancer doctor yesterday. After reviewing all the options, the potential risks and benefits they decided that they were going to give chemo a try. So, they are scheduled for a series of treatments over the next 3 weeks on Tuesday mornings. They will run the first series and see how he fairs and then they will continue on with the rest of the treatment (a 6-month run) if he responds ok to what he is taking now.

Christy & I were there just for a few minutes last night and he was WAY out of it. He had plenty of morphine in his system as well as a chemo treatment that afternoon. He was basically drunk. But it was ok, we weren't staying for long.

On another note, Tony has been having a real issue with being so far away and its really been beating him up being so far from his family during this time. So, Cathy, knowing the stress her husband has been under called Tony's old boss from So Cal to see if he would be willing to employ Tony for a month or a few weeks or two months. His old boss said he was happy to do so especially under the circumstances. So, she then called his current employer to ask for a leave of absense and they agreed as well. To top it all off, she had hit a casino a few days prior. She dropped $3 into a machine and won $400! That pays for a plane ticket. So, Tony will be coming down here for an extended period of time and will be able to continue to make the money he needs because his old boss will put him to work.

Pretty neat stuff. I will keep posting as things continue to happen. -- John

More Info

Just talked to Christy. She is at work and just got off the phone with her mom. Her dad had a really hard night last night, probably the worst pain he has had since this all started. She gave him ALL the morphine in the house to try to get the pain under control. She is now pretty nervous because there is no more morphine to give him if the pain returns. She had to postpone the appointment with the cancer doctor until at least later today because of the night. The problem right now is that he can't get any more medication until he sees the doctor. The alternative is to get a hold of the surgeon but he is out of the office. Christy is at work right now and a bit frustrated because she has come down with a cold of some sort, which makes her work day hard, and she is concerned that no one is going to give her mom the needed morphine until here dad is experiencing more pain. So that is the latest. I suppose how to pray is obvious right now. Check back often, things are moving fast. -- John

Quick Update on Dad Vergeer

He is coming home from the hospital today, he will probably be home around noon. He was given a couple of options regarding some of the problems he was admitted with. The solution to the obstruction was a procedure that involved a very long needle pushed into the side of his abdomen to remove some fluid. Not pretty, they said no. The surgeon came to see him this morning and told him to go for the chemotherapy because it could help matters but the are considering quality of life issues right now.

He is very happy to be rid of his NG tube and that makes everyone happy. Check back for a fuller update soon. -- John

Hey Everybody

I decided that this would be a great forum to keep people posted on Dad Vergeer's condition. Yea, I know its obvious but not to me. Sometimes I can be dense.

So, here is the scoop: He was admitted back to the hospital on Thursday night (3/22) and he spent the night there. He is there again tonight and he may be going back home tomorrow. As some of you may know, the reason for his admittance was because he was showing signs of retaining water. His urine output had been going down over the last week and he had been putting on a few pounds. After they admitted him they put what is called an NG Tube down his nose. This is to relieve any gas pressure or to remove any fluid from his stomach. They removed quite a bit of material that had been sitting there for some time. That was part of the pain he had been experiencing over the last week or so. If this goes well he will head home tomorrow.

So, what does this mean? Chemotherapy, which had been scheduled to begin this coming week will be postponed if not completely put off. His stomach is no longer functioning apparently and they have no reason to think that it will restart. Christy and I went to see them in the hospital tonight and he is uncomfortable around his abdomen and also in his throat because the tube irritates him so much. Also, they are starting to look at what it will take to just make him comfortable rather than setting him up for a fight that he cannot win.

Its all very hard on everyone. If you are not praying yet, please pray for them, specifically Mom & Dad and the time they have left. Mom is having a really hard time and Dad is being brave but I can't imagine that this is at all easy for him. Christy and I are praying for a solid finish, a good death... Pray as you see fit.

I'll keep posting information as it becomes available here. Its easier than remembering who to email. I will commit to updating this every other day even if there is no new news.

I hope you are all well. Thanks for your prayers -- John

On the news front

For those of you paying attention to this blog for news you might be wondering about Christy's dad. In case someone reading this is not receiving regular communication I wanted to bring you up to speed.

Christy's dad is back home today from the hospital. He was discharged just 6 days after surgery and then they took him back a day and a half later. He has been having a hard time recovering from surgery. His G.I. track is somewhat paralyzed. He is now on day 16 or 17 and he is still not really able to eat. They have set him up with a backup solution for nutrition while his G.I. track gets back online.

He is however fighting a rather advanced case of cancer which is slowing down the process. The latest idea of what exactly he has is stage IV colon cancer. However this has been questioned recently, wondering if it isn't something on his liver. Either way, it is a terminal case and the goal right now is to see if he can improve well enough to move on to chemo-therapy.

Pray for his family, Christy's mom is really struggling with this and is finding it hard to be strong. I have been kind of wife-less during this process because Christy is spending a lot of time with them offering whatever care and support she can. She has actually taken a leave of absence from work to be able to offer care wherever she can.

So thats the latest, I will try to keep up on this blog for those that might not be in the regular communication loop.

Fun with people and their hurt feelings

As the very few of you that check on this blog know, I don't get to it as often as I would like. But hey, not like its compelling reading or anything! Well, I would like to talk about some stuff from this month since I laid out my big 'new year plans.'

I had my first experience with someone that had to be told no at Impact Church. Wasn't a huge deal and she wasn't completely in left field, but I did have to hurt her feelings a little bit. Her desire was to give an announcement in front of the church and she had always been given that freedom in her previous church(es). Not that we wouldn't let her do it, but she wanted to deliver a pretty serious announcement in a really silly way that would actually turn off her target audience.

Well, when it comes to telling people like this no it can very naturally fall onto my to-do list. It was very stressful and it started off very intense and she was very hurt. The conversation lasted for a while but in the end all was well and no one was left feeling uncared for or resentful. It was a cool experience as I look back on it because I had never had to handle that side of ministry. Telling someone no, that is, at the cost of hurting their feelings. It wasn't fun but I learned a whole lot about what I am doing through it. It was a good way to get my feet wet in this unavoidable part of ministry.

It may not seem like it was some earth shattering lesson or event - frankly it might hardly be worth mentioning. It was however a milestone in my experiences in pastoral ministry. Can't wait to see what is coming next!

I hope you are all doing well. I hope to email or talk to many of you very soon.

Getting back to normal

Since Christmas time is over and all of the relatives have gone back to their own dens I am starting to slip back into my routine, as is Christy. I have been neglecting my house, my LONG list of projects and a few things that I had been wanting to acomplish for church. 2007 is the first year that I have set goals for myself to accomplish. Really, I have never considered actually setting up 'new years resolutions' because I figure that they won't get done to my satisfaction. So these goals are not resolutions, they are goals and they happen to have been set around the new year.

The first goal is very important to me. Not because its the most important, but because its the lynch pin to all the rest of my goals. I am going to start using the tools that I already own to keep myself organized. Do you know that I have a computer strapped to my belt every day? Yea, its my phone/Pocket PC and I have only been using it to about 10% of its potential since I have owned it. Not anymore. I am putting my entire life into it, down to getting the mail every day. I am getting serious about not letting things sneak up on me either. I have decided to do everything as if it needs to be done at least 1 day before it really needs to be done. Maybe more for bigger things.

The next goal is also good for me, I want to start making improvements to my house. Small ones, I have no interest in big home renovation projects. I want to do little projects that will make subtle improvements around this place and hopefully when I am done I will have a nice group of things that come together to just make a nicer home. Also, I want to do this without spending much money, so I will be working with my hands a lot this year. I have already completed my first project, and I am very proud of it I might add. I built a real laundry station in the garage. Its pretty cool, I will post a picture soon.

My final goal is probably the biggest and hardest to quantify. This year I am going to get serious about being a pastor for Impact Church, that even means being able to teach! Up 'til now, I have been the church administrator. All I means is that I have been so consumed by the tasks of life at Impact Church that I have lost sight of the spiritual leading that is required of me. I will work hard to set aside time each week for study and prayer and will be asking most often for the same thing Solomon asked for: wisdom so that I may lead as is required of me. I will have a verse for this year: 'And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.' - 1 Corinthians 11:1. That was Paul's advice to the church as a leader of that church. I think its a charge for me to make my spiritual walk in Christ something that I can offer as an example at Impact Church. Scary stuff...