I woke up this morning and felt like I had gotten a good nights sleep considering the late night we had. The dog was just starting to stir and we got out of bed. I went over to the door to find that my shirt which was stuffed under the door had been pushed into the room from the outside and had a small hole chewed into it…I shuttered when I realized that the little $#@! had been in our bedroom. For what it’s worth however the usual evidence of his presence was not in the room. Perhaps he spotted Buster sleeping on the floor near the foot of the bed and flipped a U turn. So I informed Christy, who was now VERY disturbed at this little intruder’s presence. I opened the door and ventured out into the rest of house to see what mischief our furry intruder had done. I had shoes and pants on and was ready to be confronted with him if I had to. Its really a strange feeling to feel like I am a hostage in my own home to the movement and whims of a rodent! I found only one thing in the family room; a piece of art which was hanging on the wall about 7 feet off the floor was lying on the ground. I don’t really know how he got to it but he did, 7 feet off the floor…did I mention that?! While Christy stood in the kitchen marveling at his reach I went back into the living room and met him face to face. He was coming out from behind our entertainment center and when he spotted me he went into the hallway. Naturally the only open door there was the one into OUR bedroom. So, that being the best place for him to hid from me that’s where he went. I followed him in and he ran into the bathroom so I shut the door behind him trapping him inside. I immediately stuffed the same shirt tightly under the door. I set Christy and the dog as guards to be sure he didn’t push the shirt out and I set out to form a plan.
Being the awkward hunter and killer that I am I wanted to come up with a no-contact solution. I called a couple of people that would have a good idea of what was available and their solutions was to go after it with a stick or broom. I came up with a 5 foot stick and there it began. I had no choice but to do battle with him or to surrender my home to the vermin. So I went into the bedroom with a trashcan and a stick and I knew that one way or the other…only one of us would be leaving that room alive. I walked up to the door and banged on it to scare him away to the far side of the bathroom. Christy was standing on the bed beating her chest telling me I had to syke myself up. I just wanted to open the door and get it over with.
As I slowly pushed the door open I heard him in the bathtub. The shower curtain was drawn closed so I pulled it open with my stick. He was there running around trying to decide what he was going to do since he was rather cornered. Christy couldn’t see what was going on because she was still on the bed so I was giving a verbal blow by blow. She started yelling, “hit it, hit it, kill it” so I started swinging. Now, when I started swinging I found that I couldn’t hit it on the head like I thought I would be able to. Before I had gone in to the bathroom I had been practicing my aim on a pair of Christy’s flip flops and I had thought I would be able to pop it on the first swing. I had taken at least 4 swings at the rat, each more aggressive then the last and was still not hitting it. I might have grazed him once but it wasn’t enough to slow him down. So out of desperation I suppose he jumped out of the bathtub and started toward me. As he was coming up and over the edge of the tub I took the most aggressive shot at him I had attempted since the fight began and broke about a third of the stick off. He evaded the swing and hit the floor running. Being the brave warrior that I am I took a step or two back into the bedroom to regroup and he made his way between the open door and the bathroom wall. Thinking that he would stay there I bent over for a closer look and he shot out from an opening between the door and wall. At this point the adrenaline in my system was calling the shots and I started to feel rage brewing up and I started swinging with more and more anger. I also noticed that somewhere along the line I had broken another piece off the stick and had only about 18 inches left and a sharp end opposite my hand hold. I knew that it was about to get bad because he was no longer cornered. Christy was now jumping up and down on the bed and screaming “kill him, you got him, you got him, finish him!” I began to yell with more of a rage and started swinging with more anger. I managed to land a blow across his back which seemed to paralyze him because he was trying to drag himself with his front legs. Then I landed another hit across his head which seemed to end it. In my rage I nearly switched the stick to a dagger position to stab him but realized it would be bad for the carpet. Christy jumped in and tipped the trashcan down so I could roll him into it with what was left of my 5 foot stick. As soon as he was in and the lid was down I threw the stick on the floor and let out one last shout and made a couple of muscle poses to top it off.
Before I disposed of the body I took a couple of CSI pictures of the scene and took a couple of measurement shots. I have included only the best so enjoy, they are named ‘The scene’ and ‘the body’. I hope this wasn’t too long of a story but it was quite a drama.
Hope you are doing well.
Much Love – The Woolseys
His name is Titus Peter Vergeer. He is the latest to the Ed & Kristina family. He was born just a couple of weeks ago. He was born at home with the help of a midwife as were many of the other kids in this family. 
